Retreat

I've been reading May Sarton's journal The House by the Sea. In it she included a poem from Janwillem van de Wetering:

You meet someone.
The other.
You meet the other.
You are polite. The other is polite.
You eat each other a little.
After his departure you are slightly damaged.
And what do you do then?
Do you repair the damage and do you become again
what you were?
Or do you go on as you are?
Damaged, but lighter.

It's what I think I'm experiencing with Katee. I'm watching the shift in her friendships and they are leaving her damaged. She has yet to learn how to walk away from them lighter. Sarton reminds me -- so I can remind my daughter --- it's okay to be hungry for a retreat to oneself, to be famished for oneself, to crave alone time so one can be replinshed. Katee feeds herself with books, music and movies. A good movie quenches something deep in her.

I think I've forgotten what feeds me. I know that when I work as a dealer in the casino sometimes The Other is not so polite and the chunks The Other pulls off me leaves big holes. I have learned to suit up for battle. When I layer on my work uniform I feel like I'm a knight getting ready for a tournament.