*sigh*

When I first heard the word "Scientologist", I thought it would be some cool religion based on science because. . .well, look at the damn name. Anyway, I didn't read much into it until I watched that famous interview that between Tom Cruise and Matt Lauer. During the course of this interview, we discovered that Tommy Boy may or may not have a degree in psychiatry, that he actually uses the word "glib" in an attempt to sound intelligent, and that Matt Lauer is the Supreme Awesome Reporter Dude of the Universe. We also learned that Tom Cruise is a) an asshole and b) an idiot. This made me sad because he happens to star in Interview With the Vampire and is actually a very talented actor, but everyone has stopped seeing his movies because he's annoying.

After the viewing of this interview, I decided I'd learn what the big deal was about Scientology. I distinctly remember my mom saying that when she and my dad moved to Los Angeles, she was absolutely sure that Unitarian Universalism would be prominent there because it's California. When she got there and discovered that Scientology was the "It" religion, she was, and I quote, "What the hell is this?" Sometimes I'm happy that I was raised in Louisiana rather than California. There are a lot of rich, spoiled freaks there and I'm glad I'm not one of them.

Anyway. I won't go into detail about Scientology beliefs because, while fascinating, they take a long time to type out. Go to Wikipedia and look it up if you're really that interested. I will say, though, that I have never read a more ridiculous set of beliefs in my entire life. I mean, if you place the Scientology doctrine and The Old Testament next to each other and take them both literally, The Old Testament looks far more believable and really quite sensible when compared to that nonsense. If you ask me, old L. Ron was a little batty himself, so I don't know what his fuss about psychiatry was.

It's not just psychiatry, either. As far as I know, having any kind of illness is generally frowned upon by a Scientologist. For instance, Jenna Elfman, whom I rather liked despite her Scientology beliefs because she was so cute on Dharma & Greg, was once quoted as saying, "AIDS is a state of mind, not a disease." She was apparently asked to donate something autographed for an AIDS charity, but refused because it interfered with her religious beliefs. And so thus ends any respect I ever had for her. I was skeptical about this at first, so I double- and triple-checked a few different sources (various anti-Scientology sites) and I looked it up on Snopes to make sure it wasn't an urban legend, and since Snopes has every urban legend or hoax or myth ever invented, and usually adds new ones within, like, an hour of their creation, I'm going to have to believe she was serious.

Okay, look, that's a really fucked up thing to say, you dumb bitch. So let's go tell all the people with AIDS that they should change their minds about themselves having AIDS (O_O) and then they won't have it anymore? Riiiight. Whatever. She also freaked out on some guy who was wearing a shirt that was derogatory towards Scientology, asking him if he'd raped a baby or something. I think my reaction would've gone something like this: *blank stare followed by hysterical laughter* No, have you? *more hysterical laughter* Get a sense of humor please, thank you.

Then, of course, there are the various celebrities who protest psychiatry conventions for no reason other than that they have too much money and there's nothing else to do. Lisa Marie Presley doesn't like Ritalin and sucks at music and inherited a lot of money, so I guess she has to fill her time somehow. She's makin' her daddy proud, that one is. Nicole Kidman is all kinds of ashamed that she was with Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes had a fake and/or ugly baby and won't show it in public.

So, my point is this: Scientology states that people who call bullshit on their religion are to be ruthlessly attacked, digging up files of the horrible things we've done. Bring it on, y'all. I've been hospitalized seven times for bipolar disorder, I got kicked out of Catholic school for being a general pain in the ass, I can be a real bitch sometimes, and I am about as afraid of your pretend religion made up by a science-fiction writer (who, by the way, SUCKED at writing) who didn't get paid enough and decided to make up a religion as I am of the Diet Barq's Root Beer can sitting next to me. :)